[book, 2008] 'The Five Languages of Apology', after reading this.

This book in a word?:
This book explains that people have different apology languages.

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Time that I read : around 2008. 12.

Fact: Each person has his/her own apology language.

Feeling: I feel so good. I'm enlightened!

Finding: It is effective to apologize in the other's own language.
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Summary :

"I'm sorry, I was wrong, What can I do to make it right? I'll try not to do that again, Will you forgive me?" These are 5 apology languages that the authors surveyed. Through abundant experience, authors proposed a way of using an effective apology language. I think this book is so valuable and reasonable.


Detail :

- Sorry for What?
According to this book, an apology has more impact when it's specific. I agree with this and will be specific when I apologize. Reading this part, I felt great since this method will be effective ^^


- Oprah's Apology
In 2006, Winfrey apologized publicly for her mistake. I admire Winfrey in many ways. And this incident boosts my admiration even more.


- Wisdom for Life
Specific request would less likely be taken as condemnation, such as "would you play Chutes and Ladders with Ethan while I finish getting the meal together?". I think this strategy is also very good rather than saying like "why don't you do something for our child?"


- Deliberate Act for Relationship
"In a healthy marriage, we often make changes that have nothing to do with morality but everything to do with building a harmonious marrage". i think it is important to not see the world as either black or white. This kind of elasticity and flexibility recognize the relationship more accurately. This notion of mine grew further as I read this book.


- How to Forgive?
"Forgiveness is always to be requested but never damanded". We humanbeings would be better not judging the offended person as being guilty of an unforgiving heart.


- Who Apologize First?
Many people ask 'why would I forgive first when the other man started?' OK, but the problem with the waiting game is that the average life span for men and women is 75 years. How much of your adult life you want to spend in a "cold war" relationship as each of you waits for the other to apologize first? Some cases are tragic because people live aloof or disconnect their relationship due to the incident of even 10-30 years ago. Often, our willingness to apologize creates an emotional climate that makes it eager for the other person to apologize also.


- Teach Children Admit Responsibility
If a child ascribe his fault to others, teach him/her take a responsibility. For example, parents can say to their children "repeat after me, I opened the door" when the child blame a cat came into a house through a chimney.


- When Two Children are at Fighting
Make them apologize each other.


- What I learned
Inconsistent discipline is the most common pitfall of parents who are trying to raise responsible children. Prize and punishment need to be consistent.


- How Children Learn From Their Parents?
Young children do what parents say, older children do what parents do. (This is enlightening!) The parents who sincerely apologizes to a child has just increased the child's respect for the parents.


- Apologizing to Myself
As this book suggested, I apologized to myself. I felt so great, and became much more confident.